Q: Should I give my ex a valentine to entice him back?

A: When you ask this question, you’re not really asking about a card. You’re asking whether it’s OK to reopen a door that has already been closed.

It’s doubtful, at least not in the long run.

Valentine’s Day is emotionally loaded even in intact relationships. After a breakup, it can become a catalyst for longing. A card feels harmless, even romantic, but if you are co-parenting, there’s a lot more at stake than speculation. And it rarely lands the way you imagine. Instead of reading as affection, it may read as pressure, confusion, desperation or unfinished business, and none of those are good foundations for parenting together.

Good Ex-Etiquette begins with one hard truth: If someone wanted to come back, it would not take a holiday to make it happen.

If you share children, there is a deeper layer to consider. Your children do not need parents who are confused about the status of their relationship. They need clarity. When co-parents blur lines, children feel it, even when nothing is said out loud. What began as a private gesture becomes a family ripple. And if it doesn’t work, your children are facing yet another breakup.

This doesn’t mean you have to be cold or closed off. It means you have to be honest with yourself about what you’re really seeking. Are you hoping for connection? Reassurance? Proof that you still matter? Those needs are human. But your ex is no longer the appropriate place to meet them.

Your life now is centered around your children. That’s your mutual interest and the reason why you interact with an ex after a breakup. If reconciliation is ever going to happen, it will come from sustained change, clear communication, and mutual intention, not a heart sticker and a hopeful guess.

A valentine sent to entice keeps you tethered to what was.

Good Ex-Etiquette sets you free to grow into what’s next.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and the author of “The Bonus Family Handbook.”/Tribune News Service