Now it can be told!

I’m in the Epstein files, but really, it’s no big deal.

Yeah, I know you’ve heard that one before, many times. But in this case anyway, it really isn’t a big deal.

And you can trust me, I’m not like the others.

When the Department of Justice (DOJ) released the millions of pages in the Epstein files, Congress wisely ordered them to include a search engine for names, any names. It’s the first time the DOJ has ever had a web page where you must be 18 years old to access it, but you can understand why.

I didn’t even check my own name, but somebody I know did, and sure enough there I was. A single mention, couldn’t be any smaller than a footnote. But my name is there, on July 10, 2020, included in something headlined:

“FBI Public Affairs – Director’s AM News Briefing.”

Wait a second. Hadn’t Epstein already “committed suicide” a year earlier? Why is that briefing even included? It concerned an interview I had done the previous day, probably on Newsmax.

“Acting DHS Secretary Wolf said on the Howie Carr Show (7/9) that there is a ‘lack of political leadership in a number of cities to include Portland, but we have seen it in Seattle. We have seen it in Atlanta and Chicago and elsewhere, not providing that back up, not providing that back up, not providing leadership, at least allowing their police department to do their job.’”

The more things change….

I didn’t even remember the interview. I had to look up the acting secretary’s first name – Chad.

But now you know. Full disclosure and all that.

In public relations, it’s accepted practice that if you have something you’d like to get out very quietly, on your own underplayed terms, so that no one can ever accuse you of covering it up, just wait until a bigger news story drops. Then push your little black eye out there. It’ll get buried and no one will notice it.

That’s exactly what Tony Blair’s UK government did on 911. A flack even put out an email to all the British departments suggesting just such a tactic.

So the big news yesterday was Andrew, formerly known as Prince Andrew, being arrested in England for his role in the Epstein scandal. No, not involving anything serious like underage girls. Randy Andy is apparently charged only with giving Epstein “trade documents.”

Seriously, who would give that clown any important classified anything? This rap is like nailing Al Capone on income-tax evasion, but not for the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Still, as long as I’m working on a proffer deal here telling all about my back pages, here’s some more info to file under Famous People I Have Known:

I once had my photo taken with Randy Andy’s ex, Fergie. It was at Ernie Boch Jr.’s estate in Norwood, in 2018 I seem to recall. Too bad I can’t find the actual photo and us together, but that’s me, waiting in line for my turn.

So it’s all out there now! Can I get me a CWOF – continued without a finding.

There’s a lot of innocuous but embarrassing stuff in those Epstein files. For instance, if you type in “Bill Weld,” you are directed to some chatter in 2010 between Epstein and Peter Mandelson, the gay Labour power broker in Britain just forced out of polite society by the latest revelations.

Weld’s name comes up, and somebody else whose name is redacted asks either Epstein or Mandelson:

“What’s Bill Weld like? Influential? Serious?”

If they’d asked me, I’d have answered, Neither. Not this century, anyway.

The fact is, though, that the Epstein files haven’t panned out for the Democrats the way they were hoping. Who ultimately cares about some inbred nitwit like Randy Andy?

The Democrats were hunting big game, the biggest game of all.

But when it comes to Donald Trump, there is no there there.

If the Democrats had had anything on Trump in the files, they had four years during the Biden catastrophe to drag the scandals out into the open and end his political career once and for all.

If Trump’s so damn guilty, why didn’t they lug him in 2021-25? It’s such an obvious question that even a fluffer on MSDNC had to ask it this week of the Groucho Marx lookalike, Rep. Jamie Raskin of Maryland.

“So,” Raskin stammered, “the, I mean you know you have to go and look specifically at particular prosecutorial decisions um and what was taking place in terms of the other cases so I don’t know. We could try to reconstruct that record but the point is is that Donald Trump is the one who has led the crusade to say that uh that uh Epstein who was his very close friend….”

And so on. Stop me if you’ve heard this blather before. About a million times, in fact.

The Democrats asked for this. Ask, and ye shall receive.

They demanded that the files be released, complete with a search engine for names. Now they have been, and the Democrats are claiming Trump just wanted to “muddy the waters.”

Next time, Democrats, be careful what you wish for.